I am linking up with Deb Runs for the first time for the Wednesday Word. Confidence is one of my favorite topics and a subject I take to heart.
How do you feel when you receive a compliment ?
I had a boss for 10 years who NEVER ONCE gave a compliment or positive feedback. I knew he respected me and was pleased with my work by the opportunities he gave me but I never received a compliment. How can someone feel confident if they don’t get an ego boost once in a while ? How do they know what they are doing is considered ”good” ? acceptable ? effective ? To build confidence, people need to feel good about themselves so that they can grow as a person and push their limits.
While his behavior did bother me, I learned to cope and luckily I have never had major issues with self confidence. I love speaking in public, I am never afraid to share my ideas and I radiate positive energy. But doubts can creep in.
How I build my self confidence when it starts to waver : focus on the positive and role models !
- I make a list of accomplishments and force myself to write down 10 things.
- If a client meeting was tough, I still try to see the bright side. Did I learn something new ? Manage a tough question ? Dare to challenge ?
- I look for inspiration. If my confidence in running wavers, I will check out Instagram or go back and read a post of a blogger I admire. If other people can do it, I can too !
How I help others build their self confidence : be specific ! Not only do I have 2 teenagers, but I managed a big team and feedback is part of the job, of a mother and a boss. It motivates people and often gives them the little nudge they need to step out of their comfort zone.
- Provide positive reinforcement that is specific. Did a co-worker do something you admired? Tell her ! “Your presentation was great. The slides were focused, you were on time, and you answered the questions with facts”. That Starbucks counter person you see everyday ? “I may not have told you this before but you make my coffee exactly how I like it, with lots of foam”.
- Tell someone they look nice. “That is a very flattering color on you. You don’t usually wear bright red”
- I never tell somebody was that crappy but try to find a way to help them improve. If my kids are disappointed by a test result or artwork they did, we focus on the positive. ”Tell me 3 things you did well and one thing you can do better next time.”
- Avoid whitewashing. “That was great”. Yes, it is nice to hear, but highlighting the detail makes what you are saying even more impactful.
- Be sincere. A compliment doesn’t work without sincerity.
I think a lot of people, and women especially, struggle with self confidence. I ALWAYS try to find something positive in the situation and always try to find something nice to say. Try it. You will see it goes a long way.